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Transporter 2 (2005)


1/10: Dear oh dear
Monday, April 24, 2006

I have a confession to make... I enjoyed the first transporter film! It involved car chases, martial arts action and all sorts of implausible things that kept me entertained for the majority of the running time. It was relatively short, had some pretty cool moments and was generally a bit of ridiculous fun that needn't be taken too seriously, although the concluding chapter sold the first half short (the final fight and resolution of the movie left me thinking 'They're ending it like that...!?!').Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the sequel, which suffers blisteringly from a syndrome I like to call sequilitis... a perilously common and highly contagious disease, with its epicentre in California. It leads to movies, which can be described at best as 'ok' or 'just above mediocre,' being unnecessarily dragged through another 90 minutes where everything is faster, bigger and more explosive. It can even happen to the better class of film, witness...

5/10: Disappointing sequel
Saturday, November 26, 2005

The Transporter franchise suffers from some serious engine failure in this slickly produced sequel and only just makes it over the finishing line. The original had a thin premise and an anorexic plot but delivered brilliantly choreographed fight scenes and down-played gun violence.For number 2 the action is relocated from the French Riviera to Miami, a city often featured in bad sequel movies (2 Fast 2 Furious, Bad Boys II, Police Academy 5). Frank Martin (a skin-headed, forever grimacing Jason Statham) no longer takes dodgy package from A to B, instead he's temping as a chauffeur for a wealthy family. But when the kid is snatched by stereotyped Columbian villain he springs back into action, kicking ass in his own special way.It turns out that the kid has been injected with a deadly virus. And everyone he breathes on will catch it. And so on and so on. An interesting plot device that soon crumbles...

2/10: ruins a good character/story
Thursday, September 15, 2005

Jason is an enjoyable actor, and a talented martial artist. Under the direction of a talented Hong Kong director (in Transporter 1) a great film/ character was created.The French director ruined this movie franchise. Aside from hitting a ramp, doing a three sixty into the air and timing his rotation to clip an explosive device from the underside of his car (the point at the movie when I apologized to my friend next to me, who i had brought with the promise of a good action flick).This guy had way too much fun in the editing room, instead of just making an alarm go off in the hospital, he has the camera wiggle and undulate with wave computer generated effects, and show the characters face of surprise as the sound and camera approached them. For a split second I was left to wonder if some freak amoeba weapon had been released in the hospital.He couldn't even...

4/10: a slippery slope of CGI nonsense and ridiculous stunts
Saturday, September 3, 2005

I went into this movie with an open mind, even though my better judgement told me otherwise. the TV ad's painted this to be an overdone stunt fest and too over the top. there were a few colorful nods to the first film, but not enough charm throughout to save the sequel.the stunts are the focus of this movie. they were the nails in the joists holding the walls together in the first movie, they're the entire foundation this time. The writers and director make frank out to be not a mere astute wheelman and fighter, but rather a one man army, a superman of sorts. they packed in more choreographed nonsense than the average Jackie Chan movie. I seriously cannot say enough bad things about this director. A few times he made a nod in Sergio Leone's direction, but minus the brilliance that director was known for. The fight scene with the female assassin near...

1/10: Right barrel load of cockney monkeys
Friday, April 4, 2008

Hahahahahahahaha! This was so rubbish!!! I could smell it from all the way over by the sofa where I was sitting, but I got my hubby through and we both laughed our heads off, cos this film is so bad, it's good. Jason Statham has the weirdest accent. He's straight from the "transatlantic, cor-luv-a-duck Michael Caine, Carey Grant, I think I'm a Yank but actually I'm a lovable barrelful of Cockney monkeys" school of acting. And everything he said sounded like it had been dubbed on afterwards, after he's been asked in post-production to drink a pint of neat testosterone. If you told me that's how they made it, I wouldn't be surprised. The colours were all a bit day-glo. Matthew Modine and his slutty-acting wife, didn't look anything like their little boy either, which worried my husband somewhat, but I just said the boy probably...

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