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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

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Reviews

1/10: After seeing this movie I...
Monday, August 17, 2009

After seeing this movie I believe I now have PTSD I went into this "movie" with low, low expectations. From the trailers alone I could tell this "movie" was engineered for the mindless drones that make up the majority of summer blockbuster audiences. I imagine the only people will actually enjoy this "film" are the types of zombie slugs that clap and yell "BIG BOOM! SEXY LADIES!" when they see this. This movie request little, if any thinking at all to enjoy. I got far, far less out of going to see this than the faintest glimmer of hope that this would be even half-way decent, let alone watchable. It is seriously hard to describe with words how terrible this "movie" is. I am not in any way a fan boy or a fantasized G.I. Joe fan, nor am I comparing this to the source material (which I have seen some of). I am reviewing this movie solely...

1/10: Does contains spoilers, but please...
Saturday, August 15, 2009

Does contains spoilers, but please read because it'll save you money. Bad expectations, movie even worse.I went to see this movie because a friend of mine really wanted to go there and I thought: why not, I didn't hate transformers 2 (although it wasn't really good), and I had seen the trailer with the Eiffel Tower scene which looks pretty amazing. The rest of the film was pretty amazing too. But not amazing in a good way. I just couldn't believe how bad it was. I am actually still amazed as hell. The story is so crappy that I think I could write a thousand stories which are better. Here is a series of 'highlights'. It all starts in the Middle Ages, where some weapon maker is being punished for selling weapons to both sides. This has almost nothing to do with the film except that the weapon maker is an ancestor of a really...

5/10: Makes Revenge of the Fallen...
Thursday, August 27, 2009

Makes Revenge of the Fallen look like a Best Picture winner... I just don't get it. Stephen Sommers "bounces back" from the colossal disaster Van Helsing, only to give us something worse. The fact that this piece of s**t took $170 million to make is more talked about than the movie itself, and for good reason. When you spend that much money on a film it usually at least looks like money well spent, despite Sommers (look what the same studio Paramount did with $30 million Cloverfield). Guess what, writing doesn't cost that much money, and clearly there was no real effort in that department. Why, when you can spend some of that money on insane practical stunts and create memorable sequences like some other directors do, would you spend it on creating bases under polar ice caps and the sands of Egypt, which look like cartoon sequences edited into live - action? The CGI was BAD, very...

1/10: worst movie ever made well...
Wednesday, August 19, 2009

worst movie ever made well, i went into the cinema with no expectations about the movie, having never played with the toys as a kid, not really seen any of the trailers or hype, and not read any of the reviews about it. To be honest, the only reason i even went to see it is because i had already seen time travellers wife. i was not disappointed, i had no expectations and left the cinema after 2 hours wondering what on earth i had just been watching. to anyone thinking about paying to see this movie, save your money, buy a brightly coloured tin of paint, and a brush, and watch that dry instead. it will be more entertaining, i promise, and you will have a newly painted wall to show for the effort too.OK, so lets diagnose the movie. the beginning starts out o.k. but.. hang on... the beginning seems to be the same as the...

1/10: Don't waste your money...
Monday, August 17, 2009

Don't waste your money. First off, I would like to say that I created an IMDb account for the sole purpose of warning others about this terrible crap movie. At first, I was really excited to see the GI Joe movie. I got to the movie theater, and my friends and I were the only ones in the theater. I didn't think anything of it, I just thought that being alone would make the movie even better. Now I know why I was the only one in the theater. GI Joke was a horrible movie. It is a contender for the coveted title of the worst movie of the year. This movie was awful. I have pooped out better movies than this. The acting-crap. The casting-terrible (who cast Marlon Wayans in a serious part?) Character Development-absent Fight scenes-overdone and absurd Special effects-decent, but not good enough to distract me from all the suck...

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